Sunday, October 23, 2011

If I can't write in the box...

According to an old diary I found, 45 years ago I watched my father filling in a tax form. I noticed he was busy rubbing a candle over part of the form.

"Dad - what are you doing?"

"You see this box with 'Do not write in this space'? If I can't write in the box, no-one else is going to!"

I often wonder if this was an original idea of my father's or if he had seen it on some comedy show.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

A mean trick to play on your wife

I went rash and bought a new Kindle ebook today. 'Stairlift to Heaven' by Terry Ravenscroft. (@terryrazz) I'd heard the writer was funny (he was a scriptwriter for Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise , Ken Dodd and others) and I needed a laugh.

In the books he relates the story of  his wife 'The Trouble'. She'd put on weight over Christmas and as normal had gone on a diet to remove it. This time however she hadn't weighed herself before Christmas and relied instead on a pair of slacks which she'd bought before Christmas and which 'fit her perfectly'.  Now imagine you are a woman who's stuck to a rigid diet and after thinking you'd been successful try on those slacks.
...but even a nice figure cannot get away with an
attempt to force it into a pair of trousers deficient in
the waist measurement by two inches. Consequently
the small amount of fat she normally carries round
her waist had become a roll of fat spilling out of the
top of the trousers...
Terry had seen this as an opportunity and had persuaded his sister to take the slacks in two inches.

Now I've played some tricks in the past such as the 'Who nettled the teacher' but I'm full of admiration for Terry. I'm just not in his league.

So if you feel the need to relax and laugh check out 'Stairlift to Heaven ' - it's worth every penny.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

How to fix the mess the government is in.

Browsing my Facebook account recently I came across this image copied from Revolution News Network's site:
Now of course someone was quick to point out that this would matter if the US was on the gold standard but that had stopped long ago. The problem is that the vast majority of people have this sneaking impression that if you spend more than you earn you are heading for disaster. No amount of explanations from economists will ever convince them otherwise either.

It's not just the US. Things aren't quite that bad in the UK; here we are only 146 billion in the red. Taking into account the US has five times the population of the UK that equates to 730 billion by US population standards.

So do these guys in government know what they are doing? Ask 'the 99%' and the answer will be a resounding 'NO!'

So what could we do about this? It seems simple to me - we change the form of government so that people who actually know what they are doing run the country instead. After all the last person who should be given the job of President or Prime Minister is the egomaniac who wants to do the job and tries to convince us that although he/she is not qualified, we should elect them.

So here's my suggestion. Make a selection of the top five industrialists - those that make the most profit and tell them it's their duty to run the country on our behalf for the next four years.

"...but what about democracy?" I hear you say. No problem. Allow the candidates selected to campaign and we then use standard election procedures to make the final choice. Of course there will be one subtle difference. None of the candidates will want the job and will therefore campaign for their opponents instead of themselves. As a result there will be no 'mud slinging' and no need for campaign fund raising. (Believe it or not but all these idiots politicians are currently asking me to give them £10/£20 to fund their next election campaign!) The candidates will fund their campaigns themselves - these people are rich. That may be a little unfair but they can afford it and anyone who manages to be so successful really has a duty to make the lives of the less able (us) better. Look on it as a minor tax which will help reduce those budget deficits.

How about local government? Use the same method, just apply the requirements on a local scale.

What incentives should we offer these people? If they do a good job and the electorate feel their lives have improved then we'll undertake never to elect them again! Fail and they still could be elected for a second chance.

The bad news is there's one tiny fly in the ointment. To modify government like this would require our current politicians to accept it. There is NO WAY they will ever vote themselves out and we are stuck with the present system.